Obligatory Holidays Post
Ah, the joys of me not doing anything cool for Christmas, and then reflecting upon everyone else’s Christmasness and being annoyed by it. It’s true, I find Christmas mostly annoying, though it does have its perks.
First of all, no school, no work, and lots of delicious food. I get to spend time with friends and family and we are mostly nice to each other. That’s cool.
But I can’t help but think on how Christianity is imposing its holiday on the country in some sort of strange consumerism plague. I HATE the fact that I am obligated by society to buy everyone I love presents. I hate this because I do not have money, first and foremost, and because why the hell should I buy into capitalist, consumerist, we’re-pretending-this-is-really-about-Jesus-but-buy-our-cars bullshit? Also, I have no idea what you want, what you have, and if you’ll even like what I give you. But it’s not like I can just NOT get you (namely, family) anything because they’ll take that to mean that I don’t love them or whatever. Which isn’t true.
So friends, take this as my official “sorry for not getting you a Christmas present” apology. It is not because I don’t love you—it is because Christmas is a mostly annoying holiday and I have very little money to my name. So it goes.
In different news, I have wondered recently if all of my problems are simply rooted in how lazy I am. I am confident that every single problem I have had recently has been because I just don’t feel like being inconvenienced, or something similar. I want to change that, but I feel old and exhausted and I’m not really sure what that’s about. My family keeps insisting that I am depressed. Oh god, the big D monster that confronts me every winter.
What do I think it is? I don’t know if depression is the right word. I have said that I think I have Seasonal Affect Disorder but that is essentially untreatable, as far as I am aware. I guess you need specific heat lamps but I think I can deal with the shorter, colder days for the time being.
Perhaps it is Christmas that is the root of the problem. If you want to really dig into my past, I hate it because it reminds me of long ass choir rehearsals. I’m not sure how many people can relate to this, but every time I hear Christmas music, I’m standing on the top of some risers under terrible burning lights with the worst backache in the world and a choir director is barking orders at someone. This often ends in tears. I suppose it SHOULD remind me of the successful concert where we got standing ovations and went out with friends afterwards—but it doesn’t for whatever reason.
Christmas is a huge occasion to really hate everyone and you’re expected to cover it up with gifts and song. Your fucking problems still exist, and they’re not going to go away because you got an iPod.
I don’t know, I am just brainstorming here.
Sorry for being a downer. Maybe you feel the same way, or maybe you’re so damn happy it’s annoying. Either way, thanks for reading. And happy holidays.
